2018, What A Year .

Hello, it's been awhile.

So basically I'm in my semester break after such a hectic four months of semester 3. What happened during the semester, or let's just say, 2018? Lots of things, unexpected yet memorable.

We fought with our own lecturers, fought among ourselves, some of us finally opened up and broken hearts increased. Between all those conflicts , I think they made our times even better together. We just another pieces of souls, trying to find happiness among all the miseries. It's quite understandable since we all were having mental breakdowns at the same time, by this one person.

Reflecting back to the times I had with my friends, I found so many things to learnt. Sometimes, things will not end up well like what I expected and maybe I will never found the answers on why things turned out badly. I suffered from anxiety attack last few months, because I think I was not good enough. I overthought, wondering so hard why I can't draw nicely like other people, my designs were not what I expected to come out, and I thought I did wrong to everyone, I felt like I was the main problem. But finally I knew, anxiety is normal. I wasn't the only one who faced anxiety, even my best friends had the same problems. We made it, so far. But we don't know what will happened in the future, so I promise I'll help us. I'll help when we need each other.

Thinking back all the things that I went through, I think I am still not good enough. Like right now, I am trying to stand up a guy, a stranger who said he loves me and want me to be his special one. I am bad, yes I am. I thought I would never done this to anyone, but unfortunately, I'm a bad liar. I dumped a guy, and I'm going to repeat it. It feels horrible, but I know it's the best I could do to him. I can't easily fall in love with anyone, and I know I will get the karma back. But I can't give them fake love, it will hurt them more in the future. I don't want them to put on trust and hope on me, because I know it won't end up like what they dreamed of. I'm not running from mistakes, but I'm trying to do what's the best it can be.

What are the next thing? oh I know, Fights. Arguments. Big or small. To be honest, it can happen to anyone, in any range of ages. Sometimes, it can happen because of one person's fault, sometimes both. Arguments can be unexpected, like some people even fight over who eats more. Sounds childish but yet everyone have their own perspectives on how to start a fight. Plus, from what I experienced, I found out that some of my close friends turned out to be the one who's been keeping grudge on me, old grudges. Funny yet it's the truth. I don't know how things will happened, I'm not a witch or what but yeah it happened. However, some people fight and then they become closer. Some fight and end up cutting ties between them. Some argues a lot, but soon they realize they miss their arguments. That's what makes arguments or fights even unexpected. It can be the reason to lose another friend, another family member, or maybe it's the one that sparks love between the two person.

So that's what I have found throughout 2018. It started nicely, it ended gloomily beautiful. Ups and downs, but naahh it makes me feel better to go through 2019 and so on. I hope your life will become extra better and may your journey will be filled with happiness that you will found. Love, Han.